Thursday, December 9, 2010

Starting Over

So I believe this is my first post since I lost the baby and I'm glad to update that I'm doing better. I have my moments and I have my days. My days, for some reason, seem to be at church. I can't get through a service without crying and I'm not sure why, but it's almost a comforting cry like I know that I'm being comforted and that eventually everything will be fine. I also have my moments though, however, I am glad to report that those are few and far between. However, I wasn't able to go to one of my best friend's baby showers because I thought it would be way too difficult. I have a lot of friends that are either pregnant or just had a baby and I'm really happy for them, but it makes me so sad too. I can't help but think what if I don't get another chance. I wonder if my life can be complete without being able to raise children or a child even. I don't know and I don't know how I'll feel if I don't get the chance, but I'll cross that bridge if/when it gets here.

On to new and better things. I've gone back to school to get my masters. I'm going to Walden University and it's an online program in Forensic Psychology - Mental Health Applications. I'm really excited to be doing this stuff again and having a goal and all, but I'm really out of practice. Today I had to write a two page paper and I thought that it was going to kill me. It ended up taking me like 3 1/2 hours which is a long time for a two page paper when its me writing it. In fact it was so frustrating that I wanted to give up and not continue on with the program, that's how bad it is. But I started this program for a couple reasons. The first being that I want to make a better life myself and my husband and hopefully one day our family. The second is because since I lost the baby I've been at home moping around and I decided that I needed a goal, something to keep my mind busy so I don't have to continuously think about what I've been going through the last few months.

On a good note I had my A1C tested again about a month ago and I'm very proud to report that it is down to 5.7% which is what the A1C of someone without diabetes is, so I'm very, very proud of myself. I've also lost about 15 pounds which I'm also proud of myself for. I'm doing a good job keeping my blood sugar down and I'm getting in at least 20 - 30 minutes of exercise about 5 - 6 days a week which will help with the weight. The doctors told me that if I could get my A1C down to 6 or 7% it would lower my chance of miscarriage the next time by about 95% and getting some of the weight off will help too. So I'm excited about all of the changes that I'm making in my life. I'm working on my masters degree which I will have in May 2012 which I'm absolutely ecstatic about, now if only I can have the one thing that I want more than anything....

I guess we'll see...

'Til later